alternative new moon ending
by Fireshine
Summary: For those who would prefer a little less Jacob, this is what would happen if Laurent actually bit Bella in the meadow.
1. Chapter 1 Emerald Dawn

Alternative New Moon ending

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, though I wish I owned Edward!

He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. "Mouthwatering," he repeated, inhaling deeply.

I tensed for the spring that came swiftly and surely. The burning venom entered my bloodstream at a lightening fast pace, sped up by my pounding heart. all my muscles contracted as if I'd been given an electric shock, my hands gripped onto Laurent's arms with a strength that would have a human howl with pain. I knew the end was coming, I didn't care how much it hurt now, it would only last for a few moments. Over Edward's furious roar in my head, what was sure to be my last thought flooded my head, Edward I love you, Edward I love you.

Suddenly Laurent's teeth left my neck as his head whipped around to the left. I collapsed unable to stand upright and bear the pain at the same time. I curled up into a ball and tried to remain quiet, I bit my lip so hard it bled.

"I don't believe it" he said so low that I barely heard it.

My world was rapidly becoming devoid of anything but pain but I saw Laurent run away, I no longer cared why but I got the answer anyway as five humongous wolves raced after him, the russet brown wolf pausing to look at me for a brief second before deciding that it would rather hunt Laurent than me.

I was alone, but only physically, in my mind the most beautiful voice in the world was sobbing. I let the agony take me, I had no more energy left to take in my surroundings, I was burning and that was all I knew. Why oh why could I not just die? The burning had already surpassed anything I had ever felt before, including in the ballet studio. It was like I had always been burning and that I would always burn, an eternity of burning, yes dying would be quite welcome.

I must have been writhing and thrashing but I didn't care, there was no one around to hear me. I was completely consumed with hot burning fire, by all rights I should have been a pile of ashes now.

Some time later I began to notice my surroundings again, at first I thought I was just becoming used to the pain, but then I realised I still felt each blistering tongue of flame too keenly. I found I could feel the fire with the same intensity I had before along with the massive, festering hole in my chest and the cold wet grass under my hands and the rough bark of the tree next to me. I found I could think around all of this, see some light at the end of the tunnel and my thrashing stilled momentarily.

I thought of Charlie, the thought sprinting into the new-found space at the front of my mind, alarm bells ringing and demanding my immediate attention. I was filled with despair as I realised I could never see him again, or Renee... But the thought wouldn't shut up, I realised that Charlie would have got home from fishing and I would be missing. He would probably send out a search party again, I knew it would take them a while to work themselves out this far. But Charlie would be really worried now.

The pain started to recede from my fingers and toes, which should be a relief, but the rate at which the pain was going made me impatient and frustrated. As the pain receded more I realised that it was retreating to my heart, a heart that was now pumping the fire at a tremendous pace.

How could the pain keep escalating? It was like the hole in my chest was slowly draining the fire out of my body concentrating it in my imaginary heart; and my throat. I was suddenly so thirsty... I wondered what more I would have to endure.

I had no more control over my muscles, my face was screwed up, my feet were kicking wildly and my hands were clawing at the wet ground. I flung one of my hands above my head and I was vaguely aware that there was a massive gash in the trunk of the tree next to me.

My heart sped up again; how? But I could hear it, each beat merging into the next so that it was more like a whirring than a beating noise.

The fire in my heart blazed hotter than ever as if determined to burn forever but could only do that by getting hotter. My heart was pounding towards its last beat and the fire, seeming to know the end was near (it had to be near right?) redoubled its effort to stay alight. I finally felt, and heard, my heart falter, it tripped over the finish line and lay face down on the track.

I could only hear the raindrops falling thick and fast... and warm. Oh, that's right, I was a vampire now, everything would feel warm to me... even Edward's skin. Pain! The thought just slipped out with out my permission to rub fresh salt into the hole in my chest. I curled up into a ball again and drew ragged breaths through my teeth. I only just realised that when my heart stopped, my breathing stopped too, it was no longer essential to my survival, no longer an unconscious, reflex action.

This pain was as bad as the burning. I waited for it to subside, and it did start to ebb... and then stopped, my new mind was able to be fully aware of the loss and the rejection at the same time as concentrating on other things.

I didn't want to love him any more - correction - I shouldn't want to love him any more. I didn't want cry over my loss everyday, get stung by the rejection, ripped apart by longing... in theory it made sense to want to stop loving him, and while I was still human I had a chance of moving on. I could change, mature, grow... but I was a vampire now I couldn't grow or change, I would love him for eternity. But the truth was that loving him, while he still loved me, was the most wonderful thing I had ever known, the most magnificent experience I had had in my life. Despair thrust its talons into me again and I curled tighter into a ball.

I waited for the pain return to a manageable level, knowing that I would never truly be free of it, then uncurled and lay on my back and opened my eyes for the first time in my new life.

Everything was so clear. A million raindrops, a million small, perfect spheres falling, and I could see it all with such clarity. I lay there in wonder at the sight, also noticing how I didn't find the rain so unpleasant any more. I let my mind wonder, not too far though, there were a few forbidden subjects that it wasn't allowed to bring up so I mainly concentrated on my senses. I could hear the patter of each distinct raindrop, the swishing of the leaves in the wind... the voices... the voices? There shouldn't be any voices.

My previous thought came back to haunt me: Charlie would have got home from fishing and I would be missing. He would probably send out a search party again. That must be the search party! Panic, pure raw panic. I wasn't ready for this! I was a newborn, and a thirsty one at that I realised as the scent of human reached me. They were getting closer, there was no more time to think, I had to act now!

"Bella!" they called

I jumped up into the branches of a nearby tree and climbed to near the top. I should've expected the climb to be swift and smooth, not one trip or stumble, but it still shocked me how sure my grip was and how... easy it was. I had gone from the ground to ten feet up the tree in a second. I came to rest agilely in a spot that was densely packed with leaves without rustling the branches at all.

The two voices I heard were coming through the tree line on the opposite side of the clearing about eight feet apart. They were two Quileute boys, I recognised them as Sam and Embry.

"I swear this was the place" Embry was saying.

"Well she's not here now" replied Sam.

"I could have sworn..." he sighed "She was stood over there" Embry said pointing just to the left of my tree, "and the blood sucker was talking to her and he was gonna bite her, and Jake was desperate to just go and kill the blood sucker... by the way, how is Jake?"  
"Well they said his ribcage was crushed and his left arm was broken, and its been about three days so far, so he should be up and about in a few more days."

His words were making no sense, and what had happened to Jake?

"Poor guy, counting on the blood sucker to be distracted when he pounced, its all my fault, I didn't see the log and I... I just tripped" -

Sam cut him off - "no-one's blaming you, the blood sucker got in a lucky swipe that's all"

"yeah, you're right"

"Maybe Bella ran off after we chased the blood sucker away"

"Why couldn't we come here first? it would have probably be easier to find her then"

"You know why, we have an alibi for all of Saturday, we cant blow our cover now, I want to find Bella just as much as you but you know why we cant tell, we just had to do it Charlie's way, but now we've found her truck we can keep looking around here."

They had just reached the edge of the clearing where Embry had pointed to earlier, "ugh! this place still reeks of leech!"

They chuckled to themselves as I gripped onto the branches of the tree almost snapping them. I had been holding my breath but I could still hear their hearts beating, faster than usual, maybe it was the exertion. The wet, juicy sound of their pulse was ringing in my ears, all I had to do was... No. I couldn't do this, I needed help. I needed some other vegetarian vampires, I needed the Cullens.

It was just an intensification of the pain I already felt, but it still had me gasping for air. Air that didn't smell like human, it smelt like... dog... wet dog, huh? what was that all about? A murky human memory came swimming to the front of my mind; "Did you know that Quileutes are descended from wolves?" My mind and body froze.

My mind simply refused to come to the obvious conclusion so it stopped working, eventually though, it had to restart its self, but the conclusion was still there, biding its time, just waiting to assault me at the first chance it got; Jake was a werewolf.

Jake was there in the clearing when Laurent bit me, they had chased Laurent away and tried to fight him, they had even succeeded, but Jake had got injured in the fight.

It was strange how I hadn't even thought of Jake until this moment. I had spent the week craving him but now... it was only him I missed. It should have been a relief to only miss one person, crave only one person, but that craving had tripled since becoming a vampire.  
It was ironic how many times I had wanted to become a vampire, and for more than one reason. Yet now it would probably have been better - easier at least if Laurent actually had killed me. I would have to live wit not only the fiery thirst, but the massive hole in my chest, forever.

Well I could at least do something about one of those. I jumped down from my hiding place but my jacket got caught on the branches and the worn material was shredded when I landed. I looked down in dismay then shrugged and took the jacket off, I wouldn't need it any more.

I ran about sixty miles north, it only took me twenty seconds. I decided this would be a good place to hunt, there should be no people about... OK, how was I going to do this?  
I hesitantly sniffed the air, trying to smell out some animals I could eat. I kept my muscles ready to lock down if I smelt a human. Luckily I could only smell deer. The smell was animalistic, repellent, but better than the... werewolves, it was strange to think of them as werewolves, they all just seemed so... human.

I strained my ears to try and pinpoint where the deer was. I relied more on my hearing from then - it seemed a safer bet than smell - and found the herd within a minute.

I could see them through the leaves. I shifted my weight forward into a crouch soundlessly and stalked forward. The deer still hadn't noticed me and I could feel the pull of the hot, fresh blood, but wait, how was I going to do this? Should I just pounce? Should I just sink my teeth in? I shuddered at the memory of the venom in my bloodstream and decided I would snap its neck first, that ought to be relatively pain free right?

I was still unsure but the flames in the back of my throat decided for me, so I pushed my doubts to the back of my mind and jumped.

It was easier than I thought, the deer's neck snapped easily in my hands. I brought my teeth to the jugular and as I tasted the blood, my instincts took over and the corpse was drained before I knew it.

I pushed the corpse away and tried to think about what to do, obviously I couldn't go back to forks... I sighed, I was going to miss him, a lot. But I needed to find some other vegetarian vampires... I suppose I could try to find the Cullens... I set my jaw and tensed my muscles ready for the onslaught of pain, I was determined to search my memory to find a clue, anything that could help me figure out where they are. I started with my birthday all them months ago... I didn't get very far. I opened my eyes and stared at my cold, stone hands that were grinding up the trunk of a tree. I was reminded of Laurent, he was supposed to have been vegetarian... Eureka!

He was meant to be in Denali with Tanya's family... who were vegetarians!

I stood up and a ray of pink light hit my hand. I held my had up and twisted it this way and that, gazing as the light shattered into millions of eight coloured rainbows. I gasped. It really hit me then that I was a vampire, I was sparkly in the sun, I had super strength and super speed, super sight, hearing and smell, I was made of stone and I was Immortal. But I was also homeless.

I woke up from my reverie and turned to face north. I squared my shoulders and ran with the sunset on my left and the night on my right.


	2. Chapter 2 Denali

**Chapter 2 – Denali **

It was sunrise. I was in Alaska. I had no idea where Denali was.

I heard the roaring of a near by highway, so I ran up to it and peered through the dark evergreen trees hoping to spot a road sign. There wasn't one nearby, so I ran along the road looking through the trees until I came to one. It was kind of fun running alongside the highway, I could easily keeps up with the cars and overtaken them if I really tried, but I couldn't appreciate it fully, the hole had been festering a lot recently.

Yes! I was on the right track. Only a few more miles to go and then I would be in Denali. Maybe they knew where the Cullens had gone – oops! I shouldn't have thought of that. I unsteadily picked myself up after a moment and then carried on running when I had recovered some stability.

I had to slow down once I got to Denali, despite the early hour, there were people about. I wondered down one street then the next, finally stopping at a crossroads and spinning round to look at all of the similar houses suddenly realizing that I didn't know where Tanya's family lived. I could feel the instinctive pull of the humans around me - further proof that I needed help - but I wasn't going to just pull Tanya's address from thin air. So I held my breath and tried asking round - only taking breath for my next sentence when there was at least a five meter radius of space around me - seeing if any of the locals knew. It took a while but I finally got directions from a sullen looking teenager who never really made eye contact, so I thanked him and followed his instructions.

It was a damp and misty day and that made the house that stood before me even more mysterious. It was truly humongous in size, and a slightly older style than the other houses in Denali. I was apprehensive as I warily walked up to the house, surely they wouldn't see me as a threat and attack me immediately. I had to stop a few times as my muscles tensed in anticipation of a possible fight. If I was human I would have been sweating and my heart pounding in my ears, but I was a vampire now.

As I approached the house I heard the snap of a phone being shut angrily. I hesitated only for a second before knocking on the large wooden door. Then I heard the hard clapping of hurried footsteps heading towards me. The door opened with the faintest of creaks and for the second time in two days I was frozen with shock, only this time the shock was a happy shock, it took me only a few seconds to get over it then, not caring that I always felt intimidated by her and that she hated me, I threw my self forward to hug Rosalie Hale.  
Rosalie's phone rang and I immediately let go of her so she could answer her phone.

"Alice?" she answered

"Where's Carlisle? I need to speak with him" Alice's voice came quietly through the phone heightening my joy.

"He's hunting" so where was Alice then?

"Listen, have you spoken to Edward?" The joy of hearing Alice's voice again lessened the effect of Edward's name but my face still crumpled with pain.

"Yes, just now. Alice, what's go-" Rosalie suddenly broke off a look of pure horror washing across her face, a low snarl was coming from the phone "He hasn't gone to Italy?" the uncertainty in her suddenly weak voice made the statement a question.

"Yes" was all Alice said, but I could hear the judgement and condemnation in her voice. Something nagged at the back of my mind, what was so special about Italy?

"No! But he cant, he just... cant!"

"What exactly were you hoping to achieve Rosalie? Did you think he would just home and everything would just go back to normal? _You_ can tell Carlisle and Esme what you did."

"But Alice... Bella's alive, she's standing right in front of me... and she's a vampire, I can prove it." Rosalie handed me the phone with a look of desperation in her eyes.

"Er... Hi Alice," I said uncertainly, "What's happened?"

There was a tense pause of about twenty seconds before Alice spoke " Charlie disappeared for a few days, It scared me half to death, then I panicked because I couldn't really see you either, so I decided to go to forks to see what was happening. I saw Charlie find your jacket shredded by a tree that had signs of a bear on it, he was going to give you a funeral, I went over to Charlie's to make things easier for him, see what I could do then _Rosalie_" Rosalie's name twisted into a snarl through her teeth, "told Edward that you were dead and now he's gone to Italy... to kill himself."

My reaction was instantaneous, "NO! He can't! How dare he!" I was so angry my vision became red-tinted, my hands were clenched into fists and I was snarling, a low menacing sound that shocked me out of my anger and made me realise that I had completely crushed the phone in my hand.

Within seconds the house phone rang, Rosalie darted inside and I followed her guessing that it was Alice calling. Rosalie picked the phone up and after a moments hesitation she handed it to me.

"What can I do?" I asked desperately.

"Well..." her voice trailed off.

"Tell me Alice!" I almost shouted down the phone, my emotions were running high, I tried to calm myself before I crushed this phone as well.

"It'll be very dangerous" she warned.

"Alice, I'm a vampire, I have nothing left in forks, I _can't_ let Edward kill himself out of guilt over me!"

"OK," Alice finally conceded "do you have a passport?"

"Yes, Its in my room," I was filled with relief as I silently thanked god that Renee had wanted to marry Phill in Mexico, and that I had gotten a passport just in case she actually went through with it.

"You get a flight to New York from Denali and I'll meet you there, get Rosalie to arrange the flight for you, at least she will have done something useful then."

I detected the bitterness in Alice's voice when she mentioned Rosalie but I didn't care I was too panicky to feel anything else. I looked at Rosalie and she was already on the computer looking at flight details for the nearest airport.

I knew there wasn't much else to say, the rest was out of my hands but I couldn't bring myself to terminate the call. Neither could Alice, I heard the whoosh of her passage up the stairs and into my room. I heard her look through my things carefully, trying not to disturb my room, god knows what it would do to Charlie if he found that, the day after he had discovered his daughters death, someone had ransacked her room.

"I've got it" she informed me.

Two seconds later I heard Alice hiss, "what's happened?" I demanded, my nerves were stretched to their limit, I couldn't take any more surprises.

Alice started muttering so fast I had to concentrate to make sense of her speech "the door's just opened it's Charlie coming back with some guests they smell like dogs but I cant hear any, only humans I'm going to disconnect, call me back in exactly three and a half minutes saying there's an emergency with Carlisle or Esme and that I need to go back to LA now" only a second after she started her speech she hung up.

I started counting in my head; one Mississippi... two Mississippi... three Mississippi it was hard to make myself wait the full three and a half minutes that Alice had requested but I finally picked up the phone and started dialling.

The phone rang for so long that I thought it would go to voice mail, what was Alice _doing?_ A deep, gravelly voice eventually answered, "hello, this is Alice Cullens phone can I pass on a message?"

I hesitated for a microsecond and racked my brains to try and remember a hospital in LA, then carried out Alice's orders, "Hello, this is the St. Francis Medical Centre, would you tell Alice that her mother has had an accident and that she must return to LA as soon as possible please?"

I felt a pang of sadness and guilt as I heard Charlie ask who was calling, his voice weary and cracked with grief . I heard the person who had answered the phone relay to Charlie roughly what I had said. Then I heard Alice's voice piping up as soon as her name was mentioned. The bogus message was reiterated once more and my jaw dropped at the performance I heard the just the right amount of worry and desperation. Finally I heard several deep voices, including Charlie's, encourage her to go to LA as soon as possible.

The phone was then passed back to Alice where she assured me that she was on her way and thanked me for telling her about the "accident". Alice hung up for the second time, I turned to Rosalie who was across the other side of the room and looking at me expectantly.

"Alice is on her way" I said in a voice that betrayed how dazed I was.

Rosalie came to stand in front of me and waited until she was sure she had my full attention before speaking, "Alice knows what she's doing. Your flight to New York leaves in half an hour and it will take us about twenty minutes to drive there, I'm going to call Carlisle and tell him what's going on."

Rosalie took the phone from my hand and called Carlisle while I just sank down on a nearby sofa and wrapped my knees up in my hands. I desperately wanted to be going _now_. Now that I knew I would be seeing him again – if only of a brief period, maybe a few hours at most – his name wasn't the jagged knife it used to be. His name didn't reopen the barely healing scar across my chest. His name didn't stab my heart and leave me bleeding.

I wanted to go now, but a small part of me wanted to stay, to see Carlisle, Esme and Emmett, but only a small part, the rest of me was itching to go so badly it was almost painful.

Eventually the longest ten minutes of my life were over and me and Rosalie were getting in her shiny, red convertible. I closed the car more forcefully than I intended. As I sat next to Rosalie I realised the novelty of seeing her, or _any_ Cullen, had worn off and I was still intimidated by her and she still at least didn't like me. There was no hostility in her voice when she spoke.

"When did you_... _Y'know... become a vampire?" she asked hesitantly through the awkward tension in the car.

"I woke up yesterday."

"Oh" was all she said but I wasn't expecting a great deal more.

After a pause Rosalie asked another question, her voice having a note of curiosity in it this time; "How did you find us?"

"I tried to hunt, and It didn't really go very well, I didn't drink a human of course! I ran away so I wouldn't be tempted, but I decided that I needed help. I remembered that there was another vegetarian family in Denali, and that Laurent was meant to be staying with them when he found me."

"Laurent?"

"Yeah, he was going to drink me but then the werewolves came and chased him away and killed him."

"Werewolves? There aren't any werewolves in forks," Rosalie said sceptically.

"It's the la push kids, even my best friend Jacob, though he started avoiding me when he turned into one though, like I couldn't keep a secret! I managed to keeps yours," I ranted.

"Bella, werewolves are dangerous, if they lose control of their emotions the will explode into wolves, he was probably doing it for your own safety."

"Oh" was all I said, I had been hurt by Jacob, abandoned in my time of need – although I couldn't really blame him for not wanting to hang around with a zombie like me – I wasn't ready to stop being angry with him, to stop hating him, I just couldn't shake the resentment I felt. Jacob was definitely not in my good books. OK hate was I bit strong but I no longer cared enough to really feel any strong emotion towards him, he was just a life boat that had sped past and was now long gone.

The journey wouldn't pass quickly enough, yet as I looked out the window, the fields and trees flashed past. They didn't quite blur into a green haze, my new vampire eyes could still pick out each delicate vein on each leaf, still pick out every hair on the squirrels I saw. Oh why couldn't the car go any faster?

The tension and anxiety spread like a cold disease though my body, disabling all my muscles until I turned to ice. Rosalie could feel the tension too, apart from the small movements she made with her arms to steer the car, she was also a block of living ice.

I could see the airport now, and my muscles tightened even further in the long seconds it took for us to park there... in the drop-off bays. I tried to throw Rosalie a brief look of panic but she was already getting out of the car. I followed suit wanting to seek reassurance, not caring that Rosalie was the only one available to give it to me. My world had been turned upside down in just one day I felt shaky and unsure about everything.

Rosalie strode too quickly through the crowds at the terminals, I had no problem keeping up with her, but the speed wasn't in keeping with the human façade. I was glad we moved quickly through the crowds, even though we had time to spare. I liked also how my new body moved effortlessly through each gap, moving onto the next before the gap closed up. I was graceful.

Rosalie abruptly turned to face me, we were outside the metal detectors leading to my flight, she saw the look of panic that flashed across my face.

Rosalie held both of my hands in hers, "I'm staying here in Denali, I have to face Carlisle and the others and tell them what's happening... I have to own up for my mistake. Once you get off at New York your next flight is at terminal three so wait there, you will have a few minutes before the plane takes off and Alice will meet you on the plane, don't wait for her, if she misses the flight then its all down to you. I'm sorry I caused this mess and that your the only one who can fix it, I truly am."

I nodded mutely, severely thankful that vampires had the gift of perfect recall.

"Well, goodbye then," said Rosalie.

"Yeah goodbye."

"Take this in case Alice misses the flight, she's eighty percent sure she'll make it but just in case..."

"Thanks" I replied.

I turned and went through the metal detectors. It was a familiar action, I had been on plenty of flights before, but at the same time it was completely alien. I was alone, and I was racing to save the one thing that really mattered in the world: Edward.


	3. Chapter 3 flight

**Chapter 3 – Flight**

I sat down in the large, heavily padded first class chair, alone. Once seated my anxiety returned to paralyse me, the air hostesses walked casually up and down the isles past the living ice sculpture. I was hollow inside, the worry had gnawed at my insides until I was an empty shell, only skin left. And in truth, my mind really was absent. It was in the future, a few hours into the future in New York to be exact. What would I do if Alice didn't catch the plane?

I sat brooding and worrying throughout the four hour flight, my nerves gradually stretching tighter and tighter. I was working myself into a state, getting stiller and stiller, I knew it, but I didn't know how to stop, I had nothing to distract me. Those four hours were unbearable. I honestly don't know how I managed to live through them. I thought I might spontaneously implode from the millions of stretched toot tight wires pulling my skin and muscles in a thousand different directions.

Although it definitely didn't feel like it, time did pass on the flight. The flight did eventually touch down in New York. Contrary to what my brain was telling me the plane had not, in fact, been suspended, unmoving, in mid air. We _had_ been travelling. I was just that much closer to seeing Edward again.

I knew it was a bad idea to build my hopes up like that, but it was the only way I could function. I knew that by hoping, thinking about be reunited with Edward would only make it harder when he left, at least if he got killed in Italy I could die too. I just couldn't live in a world where he didn't exist, it would literally be hell on earth for me, I would go to the Volturi and take whatever the afterlife had throw at me.

With me in slightly better spirits and relaxed just enough to be able to move, I got off the plane. I walked with the rest of the passengers down to the luggage pick-up site. It took me a few moments to realise I had none, so I walked into the main airport to find terminal three.

The airport was crowded, but I made my way swiftly towards the check-in for terminal three to get a boarding pass. I walked up to the desk where a prim blonde, who was very conscious of her looks, sat typing into a computer.

"Hello, there's a flight booked to Italy from here under the name Cullen?" I asked.

"yes, I believe its already been paid for?"

"Yes" she handed me my ticket and wished me a pleasant journey.

There were many things this journey was going to be, I could make a list, but pleasant wasn't going to be on that list.

I made my way through security, through the metal detectors and was just about to hand my ticket over to the security guard when my phone vibrated, I checked the caller ID and saw that it was Alice.

Panic clawed its way though the pit of my stomach and up to my chest, she wouldn't call me if there wasn't an emergency, right? I walked swiftly to a quiet corner where I was free to fall to pieces in privacy.

"Hello?" I answered, my voice full of trepidation.

"You're going to have to sneak past him Bella, I've still got your passport."

"oh" I sighed in relief, "how do I do that?"

"You're going to have to be really fast, once you start you cant stop or pause for anything, just keep moving. Bella, just run, get where you're going to run past all the people fixed into your mind so you don't have to think about it then just run." she explained rapidly.

"Alice, does that mean you wont be here in time to catch the plane?" my spirits sank.

"Hang on a minute..." the phone went silent and I could picture her blank face, but it was incomplete – I had only human memories to work from, and they were from so long ago... Alice's voice startled me, "I will be there to catch the flight, but I wont have enough time to get your passport sorted out, you need to do this Bella,oh, and by the way, hold your breath as you go past, the ginger one on the end has cut herself."

"OK" I closed the phone.

I took a deep breath while seeing where I would run. I would run around the edge of the group of Chinese tourists, and weave the other side of the three girls with the matching outfits, through all the gaps in the crowd holding my breath while I went past the ginger woman who was about to hand her stuff over to the security guard. I stopped my breath on the way out and _ran._

And I mean really _ran._

I had ran before, I had run nine hours straight through the night, I had run fast. But never _this_ fast. I had never been really trying for speed. But I tried now. Edwards life possibly depended on me making this flight, I wasn't about to let him down now.

I felt the wind of my passage as it pushed my hair and clothes back. I heard the destruction it caused as the papers flew out of the ginger woman's hand.

I slowed down to human velocity once I was round the corner. There were a few people there, but none of the noticed my sudden appearance and I walked onto the plane without a hitch.

Once again I sat down and became ice; cold, still and silent.

I stared blindly out of the window next to me. It was days, yet at the same time only seconds, later that a small hand was placed on my arm. It wasn't the burning touch of a human, it was the now-warm touch of a vampire. I knew immediately who it must be.

I turned with a half smile on my face to see Alice standing there. I never really noticed with Rosalie, I never paid much attention to her human or vampire. But I noticed with Alice. I could really see her for the first time. The relief turned into joy and I leapt forward to hug her with the most enthusiasm I'd had for anything since before my birthday.

"Er... Hi Bella" she said leaning away from my hug.

I released her realising that I was just as strong as her now and I'd just given her a bear-hug.

"Oops, sorry" if I was human I would've blushed, there I go again with the _if I was human, _I really had to get over the fact that I was a vampire now.

We sat down then and the plane started moving, reminding me of why I was getting on the plane. Worry, anxiety, frustration, fear, pain. Alice saw all these emotions flit across my face and put her arm around my shoulders.

"its the fastest way to Italy," she reminded me quietly.

I nodded in reply, a few tiny, sharp movements of my neck. It was all that I could manage. I became immobile again, all the emotions churning around inside me, pulling at my muscles, making it impossible to move.

"We're not that far behind Edward, only a few hours. Bella we might not make it, we could be too late, and even if we aren't, it will still be very dangerous, if there was anyway to do this without endangering you, I would, but you're the only one who has a chance of stopping him." Alice leaned back against her seat, "Emmett and jasper wanted to come as well when they heard, but I told them no, we cant sneak up on him and if he heard us he'd act that much faster, and then they'll fight. I cant lose jasper that way, Bella." Alice looked at me pleadingly, begging me to understand, I got it and I couldn't blame her, I would've done the same.

Her face went blank after a few moments when she received no response from me other than the understanding on my face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – race**

I hesitated on the grey, cloud-covered side walk, "no Alice, I'll drive then you can be free to look ahead for us."

"OK," she agreed quickly.

I sped round to the other side as Alice slid across the car, jumped in the seat and was moving before I had even shut the door. This was no time for traffic laws, I floored it, I wouldn't crash, I was a vampire now.

"OK, now tell me what he's going to do, please Alice?" I let the desperation slip, unveiled, into my voice at the end.

"There was a dark hour when he decided to go hunting in the city, but that one changed pretty quickly. Right now, he seems to have settled for this latest plan, to just walk out into the sun, keep it simple." her voice had grown morose by the end.

Keep it simple, now there was an understatement. Yet that's all it would take, the picture of Edward glistening in the sun, standing in the meadow, was one of the sharpest human memories I had, no human would ever forget a scene like that. My eyes flickered to the sky and back to the road. It was cloudy now but the sky ahead was clearing.

"We're going to be too late," waves of despair broke over me, threatening to drag me under into their dark depths.

"Well, actually... he's being typically Edward and leaning towards the melodramatic. He's waiting until midday to get the largest audience possible."

My chest relaxed, we had some time. "How long does it take to get to...?"

"Volterra? That depends on ow fast you drive," both our eyes flickered to the clock on the dashboard.

Both the landscape and the cars seemed to be racing backwards as I weaved in and out of the traffic, my new vampire senses and reflexes making it possible for me to weave in and around a small traffic jam, barely slowing my speed.

Alice returned to the present after quite a considerable amount of time, "There's some kind of festival going on, hang on, I think it's St Marcus day. Well, that's ironic."

"Ironic? How?"

"Volterra holds a celebration every year in memory of Father Marcus – who is also Marcus of the Volturi – driving out all the vampires from Volterra."

"Oh, I see what you mean," I tried to control my hands as they threatened to crush the steering wheel.

"That's where all the crosses and garlic stuff comes from"

"Alice, tell me what I have to do once we get in the city."

Alice closed her eyes and became utterly still for a few moments, then, without opening her eyes she told me, " We're – no _you're_ – going to be able to get into the city walls, so that's good because most of the streets are narrow with high buildings on both sides. But it'll probably be better if you run from there," she proceeded to give me directions to the central plaza, "Edward will be under the clock tower, in an alley to the right."

"OK" I said as I stored all her directions into my now infallible memory.

"All you have to do is make sure he sees you before he steps into the light."

I could see the ancient brick walls of the castle city of Volterra, I could see the macabre towers and turrets encased in the claustrophobic protection of the outer walls. I could see the entire shape of the city on top of the hill outlined against the bright blue sky.

I felt my apprehension and anxiety deepen and grow, planted in my heart their roots then spread, intertwining through everywhere they could find purchase, all my muscles tensed, I bit my lip uncontrollably, I felt unbelievably queasy (I hadn't actually known that was even possible for a vampire) and I gasped for breath, even though I didn't actually need to breathe any more.

As the road grew steeper, it grew more congested. I didn't see how we were going to past the gate. It loomed in front of us looking so ominous... so.... final, like it was waiting to trap us inside. Yet I would rather it trap me in than lock me out. I simply had to get on the other side of that gate. I put my foot down, determined to get past this traffic one way or another, I would even go off-road if that's what it took.

Angry horns blared out from the cars behind us, but I didn't care, in fact, I barely noticed, there were much more important things on my mind than a few irritated drivers. I raced past the guard directing traffic back to find a parking spot beside the road, and headed full throttle towards the gate. There was another guard wearing the same uniform running towards the middle of the gate.

"Will he move?" I hissed through my clenched teeth.

"No, he'll assume you'll stop."

"Dammit!" I growled, "here, you take the wheel and get me into the shade," I half expected Alice to argue, things had been going so badly lately for me, but she didn't and I was extremely thankful.

We swapped seats and the Porsche didn't even swerve, as far as the guard was concerned Alice had been the one driving the whole time. The car continued to hurtle towards the guard, then, at the last minute, Alice slammed down on the brake and turned the steering wheel hard to the left, a handbrake turn, only without the handbrake. The car span on its front wheels and ended up perpendicular to the road, my door was covered by the shadow of the gate and I could see that it would be easy to keep out of the sunlight inside the city. I was completely out of the car with the door shut behind me and running into the city before the car had come to a standstill.

Before I had left the car my eyes had automatically glimpsed the clock on the dashboard, it had said eleven fifty eight. I had two minutes to get to the centre of this winding maze of a city.

I moved like a ghost in between the tourists, through impossibly small spaces, never actually touching a human. To the people clad in red I was just another gust of wind in this already windy city. My feet barely touched the worn cobbled street, I flew past the slightly crumbling houses and walls, winding through the city to arrive at the plaza.

There was a heaving sea of red packed into the open plaza before me. How could I get past? I scanned the plaza desperately looking for something to help me, my hope dwindling. My hope blazed fiercely as I realized on my immediate left there was a covered walk way leading all the way round to the clock tower. My eyes hit the clock tower then dropped quickly, only to be disappointed that I couldn't see Edward yet. No matter, I knew he was there, it seemed like every cell in my body was being magnetically pulled forward towards him. I could feel my aching heart healing itself, the scar across my chest growing steadily smaller.

The clock began to strike sending me into an immediate, frenzied panic. I ran. It was all I could do. The second strike sounded. It rang loudly in my ears. I reached Edward when the third strike sounded.

It was the most beautiful sight in the world, even in the stress of the situation I could appreciate that. Instantly it was like he had never gone away, I had never been dealt that crippling blow to my chest, I had never been rejected so forcefully by the one thing I couldn't live without, and in truth, I had never really _lived _since he'd gone away, I had merely survived.

I saw his sculpted marble chest, that would be now more comforting than a statue but still as perfect as before, correction, even more perfect than before now that I could truly see it now that the cloudy veil of human sight had been removed from my eyes. I had thought Edward was perfect in every way possible, but I had been blind.

His face seemed peaceful, tranquil. He had his eyes closed as if he were living in a pleasant memory. He completely contrasted with me, desperately, wildly running to save his life, to save me and my world.

He lifted his foot about to take another step towards the light – I yanked on his hand, pulling him back towards the safety of the shadows, a small part of my brain, right at the back noted amazedly that I actually _could_ yank him back, as if he were another human, as if we were equals. Maybe he would like me more now that I was more equal to him, strong pale and sure to be pretty now. Perhaps because I no longer tempted him so much, was no longer _his own personal brand of heroin_?

I doubted it yet I couldn't completely shut out the hope. That's what I got for building myself up for this.


	5. Chapter 5 the Volturi

**Chapter 5 – the Volturi **

Edward opened his eyes and stared into mine. I completely forgot the world for a second but then his eyes travelled over me, seeing me properly and his expression became pained, depressed, disgusted...

I dropped my eyes quickly, I had known this was coming but I just couldn't bring myself to face his rejection _again_ so soon. Of course this was a misunderstanding, it wasn't over me he was going to kill himself, I should have realised. I was glad I had stopped him, immensely so, but it still hurt – badly, and what if he was just going to try again? As soon as I was out of the way? I was sinking and sinking fast, his disappointment was truly crushing.

I kept my face frozen in indifference, rather than let him see my torture. Fortunately I didn't have to keep it up for long, I heard two sets of footsteps behind us. Suddenly Edward was pushing me against the wall and standing defensively in front of me. I knew the danger had not yet passed and I was afraid, but I couldn't help feeling a little relieved that I had something else to think about.

"Hello again Edward," one of the dark voices said, they were standing in front of us.

"I guess I wont be needing you after all gentlemen," Edwards voice was civil only on the surface.

The black shrouded men sighed, "I don't think that will be necessary" Edward said in reaction to their thoughts, slightly colder than before, "I know your instructions Felix."

"Let us seek better cover, I merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun" the one called Felix replied.

"I'll be right there, Bella why don't you go find Alice, I'm sure she's here somewhere" Edward said dryly.

"No, bring... Bella," his voice curled menacingly around my voice, or was I imagining it because I was afraid?

Edward snarled "I don't think so."

He shifted into a crouch, he seemed intent on killing himself one way or another. I grabbed his arm, he _wasn't_ going to kill himself, I wouldn't let him.

"Come now Edward, let's be reasonable," the one that wasn't Felix said.

"Yes, I'm sure we can come to some sort of understanding," piped up a small voice from an alley to our left. Alice skipped into view smugly, she stopped beside Edward and crossed her arms, adopting a more relaxed pose than Edward.

The members of the Volturi straightened up immediately, reacting to Alice's voice, reacting to the presence of another vampire, reacting to being outnumbered, interesting. I had hope once again. I wondered how long it would last this time before I was let down again. Ever since becoming a vampire my emotions had been on a roller-coaster, almost impossible to control, I could feel my grip on them slipping, I knew I would lose control soon. I only hoped I wouldn't be around any humans when that happened and shuddered at the imagined yet still as disastrous consequences, I trusted Edward and Alice to be able to handle me between them.

I could see the humans shifting uneasily near us in the plaza. It was easy to see a fight was about to break out, one man was talking to the red uniformed police, him and the policeman eyeing us warily. I was afraid of a fight, I was sure I wouldn't be much use. Felix and his companion noticed them at the same time I did.

"Felix" the second shadow murmured, "there are humans watching, this is no place for a fight, come with us Edward and we can settle this peacefully."

"Only if Bella goes free," Edward demanded stubbornly, he probably just wanted me out of the way. How depressing. But the depression hadn't really hit yet, I was still with Edward – physically at least – and he was still alive, _and he was going to stay that way_ I thought fiercely.

The column of darkness sighed, it was a disconcerting, slightly frustrated sound, "Edward, you know that's not possible."

"Well then I will just have to politely decline Aro's invitation, Demetri" Edwards voice sounded anything but polite.

"Hmm," an apathetic voice drifted lazily towards us. Sure it was lazy, but it was also extremely confident, like she was certain that people would listen to her and take her seriously.

"Jane," several voices said in recognition, the Volturi with an undercurrent of victory and satisfaction, Edward with resignation and defeat. Edward stood

I saw a small cloak floating towards us. _Jane_ was about a foot shorter than everyone else, her billowy cloak was almost black, darker than Feilxs and Demetris cloaks. Short, mousy brown hair framed her face under her hood. She was typically, vampirically beautiful, the ice white skin, a flawless face, not a hair out of place, cherubic. Deep burgundy eyes contrasting with the paleness of her skin – they seemed to jump out at you, it made me slightly edgy to look into them for long. I suppose her lack of blinking probably had something to do with it as well. Her expression was slightly amused.

"Come with me," she commanded, "Aro wishes to speak with you," she flowed into the dark not bothering to look back to see if we were following.

Felix indicated that we should go first, sneering at us menacingly.

Alice followed Jane immediately, walking at a speed that had me hurrying even as a vampire. Edward put his hand gently over mine – the one that was still firmly gripping him arm – and I felt my fingers relax automatically under his touch. He held my hand securely in his but I could tell he was being careful, obviously trying to placate me, keep me calm until we were out of danger but not wanting to lead me on at the same time. It was OK though, I had accepted that this was probably the last time I was going to see him... and that he didn't love me any more. I didn't expect anything from him. That didn't mean it didn't hurt though, it was still excruciatingly painful.

"So Alice," Edward sounded barely interested, "what actually happened?"

"Well, it turns out, that Bella had gone for a little hike in the forest and happened to run into Laurent." she didn't say any more aloud but I was positive that a more detailed account of what happened was running through her head.

"Hmm" Edward replied curtly, I wasn't exactly sure what he was hearing in Alice's head, maybe friendly werewolves, possibly stalking vampires... it was sure to be awfully embarrassing.

There was a loose curve to the alley, leading it down and to the left. Then there was a blank wall facing us, flat and featureless, only the same, dark sienna bricks that seemed to cover every surface, flat or vertical, in Volterra. I couldn't see Jane anywhere.

Alice walked calmly and coolly (and quickly) towards the centre of the wall. She then slipped through and uncovered hole in the street with the kind of grace and agility only a vampire has.

Me and Edward walked forward to where Alice had disappeared into the ground and was now waiting near Jane for us. I wasn't worried about the drop to the ground, my new body would be able to handle the impact better than the ground. Edward gestured for me to go first, so I – unwillingly – let go of his hand, took a step forward, and dropped through the hole into a dark and gloomy tunnel, in which I could see every detail with perfect clarity.

I landed on the balls of my feet barely making a sound in the echoing stone tunnel. I straightened slowly and turned to see Edwards pale shape land next to me out of the corner of my eye. I quickly grasped his hand in mine again before we moved on. I was perplexed by the way we was holding on so tightly as well, it wasn't like I was going to go anywhere, make an attempt to escape, we were with three Volturi guards who sounded completely and utterly ruthless the way Alice described them, I wasn't about to go anywhere they didn't want me to. It was funny how I could still be afraid just as easily now that I was almost indestructible.

I made my way easily and swiftly over the uneven stone cobbles. I looked back once at Demetri and Felix to see their faces now that they weren't obscured by hoods and Felix grinned menacingly at me. Edward pulled me tight to his side, putting his arm around my waist and holding me solidly so I wouldn't look back. I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped both my arms around his waist, wondering if it would be too much. I kept staring straight ahead so I wouldn't see his face, I didn't want to know the answer to my own question, although he never made a move to suggest he was uncomfortable with me like this, and I was grateful, it made me that much calmer so that I could deal with this relatively calmly – I wont say easily, nothing about the situation was easy.

At least I could be with Edward one last time before I died. Well it certainly looked like we were going to die. We hurried through the winding tunnel and within a minute we were standing, watching Jane open a small door in a wrought iron, Gothic looking gate. The gate sent shivers down my spine, like the gate leading into the city, it seemed like it was waiting to trap us in, only this time I was far less eager to be on the other side.

But, inevitably, we had to move through the gate and into yet another dark, depressing tunnel made out of more of the same dark sienna bricks. It was cold, I could feel the low temperature but it had no effect on my stone skin. I could also feel how Edwards arms were no longer cold, hard marble, but soft and warm... more human.

As this tunnel ended, we came out into an open space. It was bright and clean, like an ultra modern office reception or something similar. There was a woman behind the desk, she was pretty for a human but in the company of vampires, she appeared plain. I preferred this room, to the bleak, macabre tunnel. Edward apparently disagreed.

"Good after noon Jane," she said unsurprised by the mismatched group walking – at superhuman speed, I might add – in front of her desk; Edward with his bare chest glistening slightly in the bright white lights and a face like thunder, me completely dishevelled and frantic, glued to his side and Alice with her face in constant flux, going from aware to blank every second.

Jane nodded in reply and behind us Felix winked. The receptionist giggled. The sharp high-pitched sound cutting my already frayed nerves. She had to have known, how else could she be so relaxed and unsurprised?

There was a shiny lift across the other end of the waiting room. We walked the length of the room swiftly to reach the open, waiting lift and as we all packed into the tiny space – it felt cramped although only me and Edward were touching – we all became utterly motionless. The Volturi guards adopted a more relaxed stillness than us, Edwards jaw was taught, and his hands were balled into fists. My own hands were intertwined in a vice-like grip - nothing would separate me from Edward now – and I closed my eyes trying to shut out the environment. If it weren't for the stress of the situation, I would have found the contrast between our hurried walking before, and our ultra still poses which we were now stood in humorous. The lift rose for a few seconds, then came to a smooth halt at the floor we were to get off at with a smart ding when the doors opened and a cool, professional voice announced our level.

As the doors opened and a boy, about the same age as Jane greeted us. He was possibly her twin, his face was almost as cherubic – just a little more sharp, angular, masculine – having similar features – other than the obvious vampire traits of course. He spread his arms wide in a warm gesture directed at Jane. He smiled at her as she walked forward to give him a hug.

"Ah, Jane," he said in such an adoring way he was almost cooing "I see you've done well, we send you out for one, and you come back with three."

As Jane let go and stepped back he looked us over appraisingly, "hello _again_ Edward, it seems your mood has improved," he noted.

"Fractionally," he replied stiffly.

I felt all Edwards muscles still tense around me, tension had not abated one bit, in fact it had slightly increased since the lift door had opened. I glanced up at his face, his jaw was still tensed, it even slightly jutted out a bit and his hard eyes were narrowed almost imperceptibly. I couldn't really imagine his mood being worse, I was kinda glad I wasn't around for that.

Alec's eyes flickered to me for a tiny instant, I was sure that if I hadn't been a vampire I would have missed it.

"Indeed," Edward replied flatly to Alec's thoughts, then stiffened in reaction to someone else's, his lip curled back and he started ever so slightly to snarl, he whipped his head round to glare at one of the guards behind us. Alice put her petite hand on Edwards shoulder.

"Patience," she warned. I wished I could hear her thoughts too, I wanted to know what was going to happen once we met the Volturi, she seemed calm enough so I figured the future wasn't too horrendous.

"Come, we shouldn't keep Aro waiting," said Jane, a little more life in her voice now that she was in the company of her brother.

Alec and Jane turned in perfect synchronisation, to hold each others hands and lead us through another door. I almost screamed when Edward pulled me through the door and we faced yet another grim, stone tunnel. Only the fact that I was holding onto Edward and he was holding onto me kept me quiet. Of course Alice's calm was also reassuring. Thankfully this tunnel was short, we were at the other end in a few seconds.

We emerged into a huge, circular stone room, there were shafts of golden light coming down through either holes or skylights in the roof. Some of the light shattered into a million eight-coloured rainbows giving the room a very surreal and fantastical effect. There were lost of vampires there, some in more dark cloaks, some in plain, nondescript clothes. Despite the suddenly tense atmosphere in the room, the vampires all looked very graceful and elegant, almost superior, like they were the rich upper class and we were the peasants. I glanced down at ,my tattered and torn clothes, my muddy jeans – I probably did look like a peasant to them.

The floor sloped downwards kind of like a very shallow reversed cone, another drain at its deepest point, like the hole down the alley – maybe this was another escape route. There were three incredibly ornate and delicate oak chairs, the emphasis being on beauty rather than comfort – well, the more accurate word to describe them would probably be thrones – across the room from us.

The darkest cloak yet flowed towards us, it was eerie the way he undulated over the slightly uneven stone floor, like a shadow seeming to proclaim impending, yet irresistible doom, and he did seem to swallow all the light surrounding him... a black hole drawing near. I couldn't move, it wasn't like my muscles tensed, I just lost the capacity of movement, he could have been Medusa for the effect he had on me.

He was clad from head to toe in complete black, with a small oval of pure white for his face. His skin was translucent and had a faint shimmer to it so that it gleamed and glistened even when he wasn't standing in direct sunlight. He looked fragile and whispery, like I could poke right through his skin, piercing it with the lightest pressure. His eyes, though not as menacing as Jane's, were even more dreadful. They were glazed in a milky white film, he was like a real horror film, Count Dracula style vampire, although I doubted he could turn into a bat.

"Jane! You're back!" he cried in delight, "and look, you've brought Alice and Bella as well! Well done Jane my dear!"

"Thank you master, I brought him back alive just like you asked," she said with ultimate adoration in her eyes and her voice.

I was shocked he seemed to know me and Alice so well, I mean Edward may have told him about us but still, this was just a little too overly familiar for me.

"Ooh, just look at this turn out, I do love happy endings! Felix, go fetch our brothers, they must come at once!" he turned back to us, "I simply must know what happened!" he floated quickly to Edward and took his hand turning completely still for a few moments once the contact was made.

To say I was confused was an understatement. Apparently I wasn't the only one, Edward turned to Alice and explained as Aro released his hand, "Aro has a gift much like mine – he can read minds – however he can read every thought a mind has ever had but skin to skin contact is needed."

"Indeed, but I do envy the convenience of just being able tohear from a distance..." he sighed longingly, "and your power, Alice, that is also something to envy."

"Hardly," Alice said sceptically, "as you can see I make my fair share of mistakes too."

"Certainly, Edward was convinced your visions were fool proof, but just look Bella is alive after all!" Aro was almost bouncing with enthusiasm.

Felix arrived leading who I presumed to be Caius and Marcus. They both had the same papery skin as Aro, and one had ashy blonde hair that was almost the same shade as his skin, which was crumpled into a frown. The other seemed to be a complete opposite, his face was dead – if he decided to lie still, most would mistake him for a corpse, he also had long jet black hair like Aro. As the darker one passed Aro, he held out his hand briefly and touched Aro's, telling him his thoughts. Marcus and Caius went, with their own body guards to sit on the two outside thrones.

Aro's face was surprised and interested for a few seconds then seemed to shrug it off as he turned back to us. I looked at Edwards face, he seemed nonchalant, calm, maybe this was going to turn out all right after all. Edward looked down and saw my face, which probably looked terrified, and gave me a reassuring squeeze. That calmed me down some, all they wanted to do was talk, Aro hadn't known I would be here, he just wanted to persuade Edward stay alive, but my nerves were still stretched too tight.

"Young love," Aro sighed, yes it probably did look like that, us both stood here with our arms wrapped around each other, "of course, the strength, enduring her scent day after day, never tasting... such a mammoth effort and in the ballet studio!" Aro seemed to reminisce all mine and Edwards memories which he hadn't even been there for, it was surreal to say the least.

"It didn't seem wasteful at the time, I looked at it more as a price."

"Unquestionably a high price, one which you don't have to pay any more! How wonderful!" Edwards face looked as if _wonderful_ wouldn't be his first choice of word, maybe something more like horrible, repulsive... did he really not want me around _that badly? _Agony, again. All the terror seemed to leave me in that moment, I would welcome death, if that's what was going to happen.

"If I had not seen your memories I wouldn't have believed such strength and control was even possible, I thought I would never see Carlisle bested for that of all things. You know, you remind me of him, only he wasn't quite as angry," Aro carried on while Edward eyed him doubtfully.

"Carlisle outshines me in many ways," Edward agreed.

"But your restraint, her scent! I am curious though..." he proceeded cautiously before turning to me, "may I see if you are also immune to my talent as well?"

I looked to Edward, he calmly nodded so I guessed it was OK, then held my hand out as if I was going to shake his hand. He took it with an eagerness that startled me and bent over my hand greedily. Greed turned to concentration, strain, then perturbation, which he concealed as he finally straightened with a perfect smile on his face.

"Hmm I wonder... Jane," he called, a purely terrifying growl ripped from Edwards chest in reaction to Aro's mysterious plan, it put me instantly on edge and alert.

"Yes master?" she said sweetly coming to stand next to him, Edwards growl turned into the deafening roar of a chainsaw being ripped to life right next to my ear.

"Let us see if Bella is as unaffected by your power too, dear one."

"Of course master," Jane smiled angelically and turned to face us.

Suddenly Edward sprung at her, then he was writhing on the floor in obvious agony, "No!" I shrieked.

I was frozen for just an instant then I was hurling my self to his side, I had no choice, it was compulsory. I felt Alice grab my hand but that barely slowed me down, nothing could stop me now. Except perhaps Felix and Demetri grabbing an arm each. I desperately wished my supernaturally thick skull could protect him as well. I was angry, furious, Jane had better watch out. I mentally flung myself forward, just a desperate attempt to save Edward. To make an impenetrable umbrella or bubble to stop him being tortured. I could tell how desperate I was, how delusional I was. It was actually like I could feel an extra layer of skin ballooning out to encompass and protect Edward, and then he lay still, panting.

Then just a moment later "Jane," Aro called and nodded in my direction indicating that she should turn her dreadful _talent_ onto me.

I cringed waiting for the pain to hit, but it never came. And then a second later, Edward was wrapping his arms around me once more. I realized that I could still feel the invisible bubble around both of us, I could feel him as well, under the umbrella like a bright flame in the rest of the dark vacuum inside.

Aro started to laugh and we both looked up to he him in near hysterics and Jane bearing her teeth and crouching forward as if she would physically make me feel the pain her mind had failed to do.

"Don't be put out, dear one, she is a muse to us all," he sighed and became serious, even slightly pleading, "are you sure you wont join us, Alice and Bella are welcome too?"

"I'd... rather not," he said cautiously as if trying not to set a hundred vampires on us.

Aro turned to both me and Alice and we each expressed our desires to return to Carlisle. Much to the genuine disappointment of Aro.

"Well, I guess I can't force you," he sighed, "give Carlisle my greeting and congratulations on having such a wonderful and _intriguing _family."

We then hurriedly departed with Alec leading us back to the waiting room where the pretty human sat behind her desk.

I couldn't hold it together any more, everything just burst out of me at once, I flung my arms around Edwards neck and sobbed, hard tearless sobs.

* * *

AN: really sorry this took so long but as you can see this was a REALLY long chapter and also i was starting my English language coursework which is (get this) writing a story! do you think I will get an A? (you don't have to answer that - but you can if you really want to!)


	6. Chapter 6 confusion

**Chapter 6 - **

As I flung my arms around him, I felt Edward cringe away ever so slightly – he was trying not to hurt me I could see that but it couldn't be helped, him not loving me was sure to hurt, deeply – and then his strong arms were around me rubbing circles on my back, trying to soothe me. Yes of course what would the human think of a vampire sobbing uncontrollably? But I couldn't slow the sobbing, I didn't sob with grief – OK I partly sobbed with grief – but also with relief, love, longing, despair, anger, terror... all the emotions that had built up inside of me since becoming a vampire, each sob set a tiny portion of emotion free. There was a small, logical part of my brain, getting bigger and louder every second, yelling at me to stop with the crying already and stop wasting time, but I couldn't... I just _couldn't. _So, by the time I had finished and looked up at Edward I felt drained, calmer, more under control, but drained.

He looked back at me with concern, ah how caring he was no wonder I didn't deserve him and no wonder he didn't want to be with me. While I had been crying, Edward had steered us to some smart chairs at the other end of the room to the human. I looked down at my lap, hiding the pain on my face, it would only make him feel guilty, he _shouldn't _feel guilty. I was just his desperate ex, I wouldn't want whoever he was with now to get the wrong idea, he deserved happiness, he deserved another love, it must have been easy for him to find someone, he was perfection incarnated.

His fingers gently tilted my head back to look at him, "Bella? Are you all right?"

"Yeah, sure," I lied, he didn't look convinced – he still knew my face too well – but he didn't say anything more.

I couldn't look away and neither did he, there were no thoughts in my head there was just him, and that was all I was sure of, and there probably wouldn't be a him for much longer. But to stop myself from going crazy again, I didn't think about that, I concentrated on the present, enjoying the moment.

We couldn't really leave here until it was dark outside, which gave us a few hours, and then the flights home. Did I want to enjoy the moment when I knew he would leave again? Would it not be better to prepare myself? It probably would be better if I mentally prepared myself, and I did try honestly, but my will power just wasn't enough.

Edward and Alice had a brief discussion about how to get home, but I couldn't listen. I didn't really hear the words Edward was saying, just the sound of his voice. Then Alice, left I kind of wondered where she was going and my eyes reluctantly left his face for a brief moment before they were caught up in his gaze again.

"Where's Alice going?" I asked.

"Oh, I think she went to distract Gianna... to give us some privacy I think," his crooked smile played across his face and I was instantly distracted by the shape of his full lips... the way one corner of his mouth turned slightly upwards...

And then I heard what he was saying, I was confused, why would we need privacy? Oh, OK, Alice was being a good friend to me and making sure no one was around when I broke down. I hadn't known it would be this soon. Maybe I didn't have those precious few hours ahead of me where I got to be with Edward. I was about to beg him to wait, just until we got back to America, then I would leave him alone. It would just be to hard for me if he said it was over now and I had to sit in the same room with him for a few hours at least. Then I stopped myself that was being selfish, he had already given me much, much more than I had any right to expect.

I was glad at least Alice was still fond of me. I probably wouldn't be able to stay with Tanya's family either, because Edward would be there. I could feel the familiar hole waiting to burst open once again, only this time I wasn't sure I would be able to survive the explosion.

A brief look of dread and pain crossed my face, Edward saw it and faltered, "I could call her back if you don't want to be alone with me," he said saddened and subdued. He picked up a lock of my hair and started to play with it, not looking at me, he was … strangely and unexpectedly vulnerable.

Of course I wanted to be alone with him, just not if he was going to crush me again, I sighed, "I don't know," I admitted.

Edward was confused and worried, anxious, "Are you afraid?"

I was shocked, "No, of course not!"

He took a deep breath, "What is it then? Am I too late? Have you moved on? That would be understandable and quite fair... to be expected," he trailed off.

"What?" I didn't know what he was saying, was he too late for what?

He looked up, guilt written across every line of his face, the pain was almost as bad as in the tower with _Jane, _"I know I've hurt you terribly, and that was… in excusable of me. But I want you to know that I had no idea what I was leaving behind, the werewolves, Victoria, _Laurent,_ if I had known I would never have left I swear! Its just you, anyone else would be safer once the vampires left town, but you and your incredibly bad luck, I should have known, I should have been there, what I did was criminal, Bella, I feel truly horrible, it makes me sick to think of what could have happened... what did happen," he finished morosely.

"Edward," this... was going... to hurt, "this is not your fault, its mine, I'm the one with the incredibly bad luck, you can't blame yourself for what you weren't around for," his eyes dropped back to my hair in his hands, I pulled his face back up to look at me, my face betrayed nothing but grim, painful, sincerity, "You're and incredibly caring person and I know you can't help but feel guilty, that's why I know you'll be happy where ever you go and whoever you're with" ouch... painful... throat burning... "but you cant let this guilt stop you from living a full life, seriously Edward, what were you thinking? Going to kill yourself because you felt guilty that you didn't protect me"– he cut me of then.

"You think I did this because I felt guilty?" he hissed at me incredulous, I was already in a downward spiral of pain he just... sped it up a little, he wasn't killing himself over me and there was no way I could save him.

"Oh, OK, I get it, you don't have to say any more," I turned away from him.

"Bella?" he sounded confused, what did he think I meant?

"It's OK Edward, I get it, really, you don't have to say any more."

"No, Bella you don't understand."

"Sure I do, it was all just a big misunderstanding."

"No, really Bella, listen," he took my face in his hands and looked me straight in the eye, "I went to Italy because I thought you were dead, I felt guilty too but that wasn't the reason I came."

I frowned, "I don't get it."

"Bella? I couldn't live in a world where you don't exist, it has been pure hell for me these last few months, and it was all I could do to live without you a minute at a time, I was going to come back anyway, I just wasn't strong enough to live without you. But then when I heard you were dead I had nothing to live for any more. I love you Bella."

"What?" I couldn't understand what he was saying, I searched for hidden meanings in his words but I kept coming up blank.

"Don't you remember what I said?" I nodded, I could recall with painful clarity what he said, I didn't want to, but here he was pulling out forbidden memories that had been safely kept under lock and key, memories only he had the power to unlock, the most precious, and the most painful, he could see the pain flash across my face, "Bella it was a lie!" more... pain... I could hardly think through it, "No, please listen! I lied to you in the forest because I thought I was protecting you from a world where you didn't belong in, I lied to save you, but I failed, miserably, I'm sorry there was nothing I could do to save you."

He started stroking my hair desperately, "how could you believe me so easily?" he asked horror struck. He was tugging on my heartstrings, my eyes prickled with the tears that would've been there if I was human.

I shook my head, "don't," I pleaded.

He hesitated, horror being replaced by barely concealed desperation, "What do you want? If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?" I dithered unsure, he would know I was lying but if I told the truth it would make him feel even more guilty, "don't try and spare my feelings Bella, I promise no more guilt."

"Erm..." I hesitated even more.

"Please?" he pleaded so desperately, his eyes seemed to search my soul for the answer, and my body just caved in, mind screaming at it to shut the hell up.

"I want my stupid birthday never to have happened," I blurted out.

His face was composed, he was determined to keep the guilt from showing, "Am I too late?" he repeated one of his earlier questions.

"Are you too late for what?" I asked still dazzled by the unconscious power – that hadn't abated one bit since my birthday, in fact I think it had actually increased – of his liquid gold eyes.

"For forgiveness... for your love," I was speechless, I sat there in total shock, I had not been expecting this.

He kneeled there stroking my face in his warm comforting hands, yes I could forgive him, there was nothing to forgive, I never blamed him for anything, and he had always had my love, from the moment I saw him in that first biology class, only I didn't know it at the time. His touch seeped through my skin and turned me to jelly. And as I unfroze, my expression turned from shock to love, I was so full of love it threatened to crush me, even with my new body.

"No," I told him the most obvious thing in the world.

And then his lips were on mine. _This_ was truly my first kiss. The passion was astonishing, he held me tighter than he ever had before, one hand knotted through the tangled mess that I'm sure didn't really deserve the label _hair._ The other hand was pressing on the small of my back, so that I was pressed tight against him, only possible because I had slid off the chair to kneel with him. My hands too were clutching him closer. This was not the like the gentle kisses I had come to know and love, he was almost rough, but he never even got close to hurting me, I liked this new Edward. I breathed in his heady scent and sighed. This was heaven. Better than being human, much better. Of course vampires didn't loose their souls, nothing this good could ever come from not having a soul.

"Bella," Edward sighed and I opened my eyes to look at him. He was grinning, I couldn't help but smile back, I _wanted_ to smile, to have reason to smile. We both started to laugh then, everything we had been through recently just seemed so silly and unnecessary now we looked back, both extremely happy.

It was the first time in almost a year that I had felt this much joy, or _any_ joy really. Sure I had giggled with Jacobabout something or other, but that had been light and superficial, this was deep and meaningful, something else entirely.

"Bella?" he asked seriously when we had finally stopped laughing.

"Yes?"

He tucked my hair behind one ear, "Was that you in the tower? With Jane?"

"Huh?"

"I felt the pain stop but I could still hear her trying to hurt me. You're the only one I know with a resistance to her power... so I was just wondering."

"Oh, did that really happen then? I don't know, it just sort of happened... when I couldn't get to you I had to do _something_, I kinda remember wishing that you had a supernaturally thick skull as well and that mine could protect you... and than I was so angry and I don't know, I just kind of flung myself out to cover you as well. And then you stopped..." I trailed off unable to complete my sentence.

"Oh," was all he said, it held nothing, no tone, no indication of what he was thinking, or feeling.

"Tell me what you're thinking please?" he smiled at the reversal of roles, usually he was the one asking for my thoughts.

"Nothing, I'm just I little surprised and glad she wasn't able to hurt you."

"And I'm glad as long as I'm around, she wont be able to hurt _you_, or _any_ of you for that matter," I added on the end, I wouldn't want any of the other Cullens hurt by her either, "did Aro notice?"

"Nope."

We both grinned at each other, and soon we were kissing again. We couldn't help it, we were destined to be together, I knew that now.

After some amount of time – I had no idea how much – Edward broke off the kiss, "Alice is coming," he warned.

We sat back on the chairs and held both of each others hands.

Alice came skipping back into the room grinning from ear to ear. Edward smiled indulgently at her energy, I guessed she had been listening, I could easily forgive her though, she was my sister again after all.

"Yay!" she cried, "I knew you would work it out! I hear wedding bells!"

That wiped the smile from my face, was she serious? I wasn't ready for this! Especially so soon after I had just got him back, I was still adjusting to the idea that he loved me again. Though as I thought about it, pushing away all my preconceived prejudices about marriage – with difficulty – I could see it happening, not a big ceremony of course, just the Cullens and maybe Tanya's family, but the idea of official belonging to Edward and Edward belonging to me forever, that was motivation enough. I looked at Edward, he was in shock too, he hadn't seen this coming either. But I could see the idea intrigued him.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head at Alice. We heard faint footsteps on the other side of the door and a second later Alec stood in the doorway telling us we were free to leave and warmly welcoming us back at any time. The small vampire didn't seem so threatening now, maybe the Volturi weren't so bad after all.

We were about to leave when Alec suddenly called; "Wait!" he took off his cloak and held it out to Edward, "to help you blend in," he explained.

"Thanks," Edward said while gracefully throwing the cloak over his shoulders.

Alec had been right, when we walked calmly back across the square, there were loads of people dressed up in cloaks and plastic vampire fangs. Me and Edward walked side by side, in each others arms, unwilling to let go for even a second, and when we were about halfway across Alice announced she was going to find us some transportation and ran off.

"wouldn't it be quicker to just run?" I asked Edward.

"Yes, but Alice doesn't think that would be very romantic," he sighed.

_I_ giggled, "like anything in Italy has been romantic."

"Alice will be Alice," Edward said grinning.


	7. Chapter 7 oh dear, Alice

**Chapter 7 – oh dear, Alice.**

I - or should I say _we –_ stood in front of a completely unfamiliar, yet luxurious, red car with Alice hanging out the window impatiently calling to us to get in already. We climbed into the back of the car obediently and I settled in for a good few hours of just sitting blissfully next to Edward, while Alice immediately hit the accelerator with too much force, but I could cope easily.

She turned apologetically to face us – still going at full throttle – and said, "Sorry, this was the best I could find at such short notice, the police had already reclaimed the Porsche,"

she sighed.

Edward chuckled, "Its OK Alice, they cant all be 911 turbos."

Alice sighed again. "I'll buy you one for your birthday," Edward promised.

"Thanks," Alice beamed at him, she turned her attention back to the road – presumably – and Edward hugged me tightly.

I looked up at him, smiling and he looked back down at me. I was resting against his side, his arm loosely around my neck and my head resting on his shoulder, but suddenly that wasn't nearly enough. I twisted round and stoked his cheek re-memorizing the new texture and temperature... I grinned to my self as I realised there was no more need for extra blankets on me at night, no more shivering and more importantly no more causing Edward to suffer.

Edward caught my smile, "What are you thinking?"

"Oh, just that now I wont have to be cocooned in a blanket all the time now, and that you wont have to be so careful any more," I replied contentedly.

I gazed in wonder at the whiteness of my skin, there was no difference now between me and Edward, I had been a vampire for almost a week now and so many things hadn't occurred to me.

"We match," I said simply.

Edward caught my hand and held it to his face, "we do," he agreed leaning his face into my hand.

He turned his head and kissed my palm, I pulled his face to mine and we kissed again, but this kiss was more tender than passionate, I wondered what Alice would think if we got _that_ intimate in the back.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you more."

I snorted, that wasn't likely, he hadn't known what it was like when he left.

"Oh? You think I don't love you?" he challenged jokingly.

"Of course you love me just not as much as I love you," I stated matter of factly.

He sighed, "That's not actually possible you know."

"I'm a vampire, the possibilities are endless."

"Hmm," he became slightly subdued, "I never meant for to become a a vampire, I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologise, you had nothing to do with it and it's not so bad here with you," I smiled and snuggled deeper into his chest, thinking how _not so bad _had just broken the world record for understatements.

He sighed and kissed my forehead. I looked up into his deep black eyes and I was suddenly falling... well, I had the sensation that my body had just decided to leave my stomach behind. But I also felt light as a feather, as if I was floating. Some time elapsed – it was so hard to concentrate on anything other than his eyes, including time especially, at that point but then I noticed that they were black, not a hint of gold anywhere, my eyes travelled to the deep purple shadows underneath. I frowned, he hadn't been taking care of himself properly.

My finger – with out waiting for my brain to catch up, which was an annoying habit that my body had that I would really have to sort out – reached up to trace the shadow, "you seem to be a little hungry."

"Yeah," his expression was slightly guilty... sheepish?

I was confused by his expression, it was like he was shamefully confessing something. I looked quizzically at him, hoping he would explain his mysterious tone.

He sighed, "when I left you... I wasn't much use to anyone, I was so depressed. I basically just curled into a ball somewhere, I never paid any attention to my location, only hunting when I absolutely had to, all I could think about was you, I could see your face. Every minute it was like I was dying, I knew my heart wasn't beating any more but this... this was much worse. At least you made an effort, I was just a useless, extremely bad tempered blob."

I thought about telling him of the first week after he left,of the months later that I had suffered... then decided against it, then decided against telling him anything depressing like that, "at least we can go back home now," of course _I_ was home already, "totally un-blobified," I grinned at him.

Edward grinned back, then his smile faltered, "well, not straight back... Alice has some plans for you."

I groaned as I realised what those plans would entail... shopping. Alice grinned at me over the back of the drivers' seat.

At the first town we got to, Alice drove straight to the shopping centre in the middle of the city. It was a big, scary looking place which had two floors and a multitude of brightly coloured and imposing signs outside saying what shops were there. My eyes scanned over the dizzying array of logos and shop names and I started to panic a little.

Edward felt my tension and started rubbing soothing circles along my arms. Alice pulled into a spot near the entrance of the shopping centre, I was surprised that the shops were open this late.

We walked half way through the main corridor and quickly bought Edward a new shirt, which he immediately put on leaving his cloak in a bin. Then we went a bit further along into a really expensive looking shop. I was reluctant to enter but Edward held me tightly and strode forward through the door. Alice shot him a warning glance and he stopped. I turned to look at him but he just gave me a hug.

"Alice commands that I stay here... oh, and she's planning on using your abilities to her advantage," he explained.

I gave him a short kiss and went reluctantly but obediently into the maze of clothes to find Alice while Edward leaned against the wall frowning out of either frustration or impatience.

"Bella! Can you do it? Can you really shield other people as well as you from vampire powers?" Alice demanded excitedly, her eyebrows pulling up in the middle, how could I deny this face anything?

"Er.. I, I guess so, but it'll take a lot of concentration."

"Good, I need you to try now Bella please."

"Okay," I closed my eyes and pushed my skin outwards again, it was was almost easy, I had already done this once, but I still needed to get the hang of it.

Alice looked into the future, probably seeing if Edward would be surprised. She seemed satisfied with what she saw anyway and went around grabbing and comparing outfits. She finally settled on which ones she wanted and went to pay for them. Once they were paid for, she marched me to the dressing rooms, covered the mirror, handed my an outfit and then commanded me to put it on.

"Don't worry about holding the shield over me, I'll concentrate on something else," she called through the curtain.

"Okay," I called back.

I relaxed and really looked at what Alice had brought me for the first time. It was a blue dress made out of really floaty material, and it was cut lower than I would usually go for in a top or dress but then I looked and there was a slightly lighter blue vest hung up behind it.

I put the dress on and was slightly annoyed that Alice had covered the mirror, I was about to lift the material off it, but then froze as I realized this would be the first time I had seen myself as a vampire. I was suddenly nervous.

"Are you ready in there?" Alice was impatient.

"Er.. yeah?" I said not quite sure if I was telling the truth or not.

"I'm, coming in, can you do the shield thingy again please?"

"Sure," I closed my eyes and pushed my skin outwards, yet again. It was like a muscle, it did whatever I wanted it to willingly. It was just like holding your arms and legs out in an awkward position then never getting tired. And as I got more used to it, I found I could focus more on my surroundings, like the fact that Alice was now brushing and styling my hair, at least _she _looked like she was having fun. I decided that, rather than dwelling on the negative I would experiment with my new shield – it seemed the most appropriate word for it.

Before I knew it, Alice was done and admiring her handiwork. She circled me twice, getting a good look from every possible angle before approving me for the public... and Edward.

"Just stay there all right? I'm concentrating on something else now so you don't need your shield, don't panic we'll be back in no time and _don't peek."_

I just nodded not able to say anything else. I looked down and would have blushed at the fact that I was wearing blue high heels, but most of all, that my dress stopped about an inch above my knee. I was internally horrified, but then the curtain was thrown back and Alice and Edward stood there admiring me. I didn't need to blush to show I was embarrassed, but neither one seemed to notice.

Edwards eyes ran appreciatively down my body, lingering on my legs and then back up to my face, he was smiling. Alice was smug. Edward sighed and assumed a relaxed position, putting his hands in his pockets but I noticed the movement was slightly jerky.

Alice ran forward, Edward following a more reasonable pace, "and now..." she said.

She was at the mirror, I instinctively reached for Edward's hand grasping it firmly when I had found it. He gave me an encouraging squeeze and I started to relax a little.

"Tadaa!" Alice exclaimed as she uncovered the mirror with an extremely unnecessary, theatrical flourish.

I froze, all I could see were two vivid red eyes staring back at me, it was really sinister. I couldn't look away from the eyes – they weren't my eyes, I refused to accept that. As vampire I no longer needed to blink, I had no way of breaking eye contact, so I had no choice but to stare for an eternity before Edward sensed my growing distress.

"Bella? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"The eyes..." I whispered, still staring, captivated, I couldn't summon enough will power to keep my voice going so I let it trail of and took another breath before adding weakly, "how long?"

"Erm, well, animal blood dilutes the colour quicker, so, only a few months."

_Months?! _What? I couldn't go around like this for months! I took a deep breath to calm myself, and it worked to some extent. Only Edward seemed to notice my panic as I tightened my grip on his hand momentarily, other than that, my body did not betray my emotions like it used to.

Edward stepped in front of me, and I was grateful that he broke of my stare – I just couldn't do it alone – he put his hands on either side of my face staring intently into my eyes, which didn't seem to bother him like it did me. I could see concern written all over his face, and he stood there for half a minute cradling my face tenderly.

"It'll be okay Bella," he promised, then pulled me into a tight hug, I felt like crying – maybe he saw that when he was holding my face.

After a few moments he let go of me and stepped back, "You look incredibly beautiful... exquisite," he breathed stroking my face.

That was all it took to get my confidence back up, I couldn't doubt the black fire blazing in his eyes. I took a deep breath and nodded. He let go of me and stepped to the side, giving me full view of the mirror.

I deliberately looked downwards so as not to see the eyes – again I refused to recognise them as _my _eyes. I saw those silly, high heeled shoes Alice had given me, I followed the lines of my now long white legs up to the hem of my dress. My legs were well shaped, not as shapely as Rosalie's and definitely not as thin and tiny as Alice's, the dress was deep blue, almost the same colour as the blouse Edward had once complimented on me. I followed the soft blue fabric as it flowed gracefully around down my body. My eyes kept travelling up, over my slightly more generous chest, and to my face. My eyes didn't shock me as much this time, now that I was prepared and I found I could properly look at my face for the first time. It was as pale and as perfect as all the other Cullens, it was both pleasing and disturbing, was that even me in the mirror? I studied my face for a minute and began to see similarities, the familiar flaws that were just a little less pronounced than before. I relaxed and a small smile crept onto my face.

I felt the apprehension leave Edward and Alice at once to be replaced by relief and satisfaction. Edward's arm snaked around my waist and we stood contentedly in front of the mirror for a second or two longer before heading back to the car with my new, sure to be _designer_ wardrobe.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N - the end of the story has a little twist, I decided to write this from Edward's perspective so you could hear everyone's thoughts (in the next chapter) – also it was a chance to put a bit more fluff in this chapter!! enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 8 – Edward**

I pulled Bella into the shop, I could feel her slight reluctance and I couldn't help but be a little mad at Alice for putting Bella through this, hadn't she been through enough today already? I held her for comfort and security, hers and mine.

_Stop Edward_ I heard Alice's thoughts and my frustration level increased but Alice showed me what would happen if I argued.

I turned to Bella and, after giving her a hug and wishing desperately that Alice could at least wait until we had got back to Denali, said, "Alice commands that I stay here... oh, and she's planning on using your abilities to her advantage," I tried to pass of nonchalance, but I wasn't sure it worked.

Bella gave me a quick kiss, and I could see that she wasn't too upset, so I let it go – reluctantly – and leant against the wall by the entrance to the shop with and watched Bella move with new grace – enough to rival Alice's – into the clothes. Her clumsiness had been endearing but now I was mesmerised by her grace.

I saw Bella's face drawn with mental weariness briefly through Alice's eyes, Alice was going to pay for this. And then I couldn't hear or see though her eyes any more, it was like she had completely disappeared, although I could still see the top of her head when I looked. I started to become slightly uneasy, I knew Bella wouldn't trip and bang her head any more, and I knew the only thing that could hurt her now was another vampire – and there weren't any others around – I looked through the minds of some of the humans dotted about, but no-one paid any attention to them. In theory, I had nothing to worry about, in practice I was separated from Bella again. I couldn't feel her safely in my arms, see her well being with my own – or any one else's – eyes.

I had no other choice than to wait, Alice was very close to being my least favourite person in the world. I finally felt some relief when I saw Alice paying for the mystery clothes but it was short-lived as Alice marched Bella straight from the till to the dressing room. Alice was really pushing her luck to the limit.

I could hear Alice again, so at least she was giving Bella a break, but she was being unscrupulous with her thoughts, giving nothing away. I heard complex maths problems being solved very quickly and then Alice was stood in front of me. I uttered a low snarl to let her know just how completely _furious_ I was...

"Oh calm down Edward," she said exasperated, it made me wonder what right _she_ had to be exasperated with _me_, I was the only one looking out for Bella.

"Bella doesn't need this she been put through enough strain as it is today," I almost growled at her.

"Have you seen her?" she asked unnecessarily as I had hardly been able to tear my eyes away from her since she had reached me in Volterra, "Of course she needs a new wardrobe!"

"She doesn't need it right now!" I hissed.

Alice gave me a withering look, "I'm going to get a brush, _don't_ even think about moving from that spot," she shot at me.

As Alice walked away I contemplated exactly what shape my revenge would take, it was an amazingly satisfying subject on which to dwell, and it kept me occupied for several minutes. I toyed with the idea of Alice coming home one day to find her favourite clothes all torn and burnt.

Alice came back at that moment looking very smug and extremely proud of herself. She was concentrating so hard on lots of different things. She was so excited, yet so determined not to let me in, as soon as she felt her concentration waver, she would immediately switch to something else. I never got anything out of her.

She came grabbed my hand and lead me, without a word, to the dressing room where Bella was being held prisoner. She quickly grabbed the curtain, I noticed some cracks beginning to form in her once solid concentration, and threw it back.

I was speechless... thoughtless.

My mind went blank, overwhelmed by the beauty of this angel who stood before me. I was in awe. How did I deserve her? How had I been able to walk away from her? Of course it seemed obvious now that that was a mistake! Why did she not walk away from me right now? I answered my own question with confirmation of the overwhelming love in her eyes when she looked at me, she wanted me too.

I could feel a slow smile spreading on my face, I tried to control it but it was a lost cause so I quickly gave up. She hadn't changed much from being human, the deep blue of her delicate dress complimented her skin perfectly, and I could still read her face like an open book, even without her trademark blush, I could see she was embarrassed.

Desire coursed through me like an electric current, as compelling and as destructive. My arms ached to be around her, holding her tightly, never to let go... I decided my hands needed restraining. I sighed at the impossibility and wrestled my hands into my jeans pockets.

Alice ran forward to stand impatiently next to the mirror ready to reveal Bella to herself. I walked at human speed, mainly because I couldn't handle fast movements, I was going for _slow and steady_. Yet I couldn't resist just offering her my hand, then there was only pure joy as she accepted and held on tightly. I could tell she was nervous so gave her a little squeeze of encouragement, and was very pleased when she started to relax a little.

As Alice uncovered the mirror with an extremely unnecessary, theatrical flourish, she exclaimed "Tadaa!"

As Bella saw herself properly for the first time, she froze. What had she seen to make her so... distressed? I really started to worry, I had to know what was bothering her, once I knew, it wouldn't be bothering her for much longer.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"The eyes... How long?" she whispered, still staring at her reflection.

"Erm, well, animal blood dilutes the colour quicker, so, only a few months," I was unsure how she would take this but I had a fairly strong feeling...

Yep. I could see her starting to panic, her grip tightened and kept growing stronger on my hand. I stepped in front of her, placing myself between her and the image of her eyes, and her grip started to lessen. I put my hands either side of her face, the desire was still there, only it was being drowned out by more urgent emotions, like worry and concern. I stared into her red eyes, I had no trouble with this as, whatever colour they were, they were still endless. I could still loose myself in them never to be found again. But now wasn't the time for getting lost, Bella needed me.

"It'll be okay Bella," I promised.

I saw the hopelessness in her eyes, it was so great she looked close to impossible tears. I couldn't stand it any longer. I pulled her into a tight hug, but she still needed convincing. I released her – not completely though, I still held her face – and decided to say the first words that found their way into my head.

"You look incredibly beautiful... exquisite," I breathed, it still wasn't enough to tell her how beautiful, how perfect she was.

There were no words I could find to encompass her beauty, she was beyond description. However my – poorly chosen – words had done their job, I could see the apprehension leaving her eyes. I stepped out of her way again, so she could see herself, and she cast her eyes down, wary of seeing their vivid red colour again. Her eyes slowly travelled upwards, it made me anxious again to see her unease had not completely disappeared. However, as she studied her reflection more she began to look pleased with what she saw. It made me slightly more relaxed also.

A small smile crept onto Bella's face and Alice also relaxed, and was finally satisfied enough that we were able to go home. Of course Alice was planning yet another shopping trip once we got home, but this time she _would_ wait until Bella felt up to it.

My hand snaked around Bella's waist and she automatically leaned into my side. We stood there for a moment or two contentedly then we finally headed back to the car.

We walked leisurely to the car, still wrapped in each others embrace. I leaned in to kiss her forehead, inhaling her new scent at the same time, it was different yet still the same. She still smelt of fresia, but it no longer burnt my throat, it was still sweet, yet not promising to quench an unquenchable thirst. I knew if took out the part where Bella had now become one of the eternally damned, this would be heaven. It couldn't get any better than this, and I didn't want to try, this moment was so perfect, so precious, it seemed extremely fragile, like one wrong move, one breath, could shatter it into a thousand pieces.

Once again we climbed into the back of the car and we sat quietly in the back while Alice drove to the airport. For once I was happy not to drive, I was still slightly in shock over her sudden reappearance in my life/existence, I had to continuously hold onto her just to make sure she was real, not just my brain deceiving me.

In no time we were at the airport, I found myself slowly getting out the car with Bella following soon after. I wrapped my arms around her again and we walked slowly across the whole car park towards the airport. Alice, being extremely impatient, had already run right up to the entrance, and was now booking our flight. We had plenty of time and I was in no rush, although I did want to see my – correction, _our_ – family again.

I felt Bella's face move against my shoulder, I looked down at her, to stare into her beautiful – if red – eyes. I was lost there, again. My hands moved with out a conscious thought to pull her closer to me. I was used to being the strong one, being careful with her, refusing to go any further than I was certain I wouldn't hurt her, it was hard, it was always hard. But now, after being separated from her for six long, unbearable months, it was harder than ever to control myself. Then I realised I didn't have to any more.

I noticed my breathing accelerating, I also noticed we had stopped walking a while ago and that Bella's breathing was coming in ragged bursts as well. My eyes were drawn to her full lips, plump and a delicious shade of red even without lipstick or lip gloss or whatever. They were parted slightly, an irresistible invitation.

I bowed my head and kissed her with as much passion and desire as there was in me, and Bella responded equally. I felt her fingers slide up the back of my neck into my hair sending shivers down my spine, and then her hands knotted themselves in my hair clutching her closer to me, or me closer to her.

I was on fire, but I felt pleasantly cold. It was an impossible situation. I hated the feeling but at the same time didn't want it to end, I could never seem to get close enough to her, yet it was the best feeling in the world, her body pressed against mine, her small form wrapped in my arms. One hand moved up to her neck, I laced my fingers into her long, mahogany hair.

I could feel the pit of my stomach knotting itself over and over with each time our lips danced together, "Bella," I sighed, it was almost a moan.

I opened my eyes just as she did, then stared into them thinking they would be the most beautiful eyes anywhere, whatever colour they were, right now they were the brightest rubies sparkling in a perfect, pearl face. And that was when Alice interrupted me with her thoughts. She was screaming at me to hurry up and get on the damn plane.

"What is it?" she asked only curious, I was pleased that she seemed no longer wary or drained.

I guessed she had caught the frown on my face, "Alice is practically screaming at me to get us on the plane."

Bella rolled her eyes but at the same time I could tell she was amused.

"Come on then, we better not keep Alice waiting," Bella said, a smile playing on her lips, "we'll have _plenty_ of time afterwards."

That made me grin in response, yes, she was right, we had literally forever afterwards – minus Alice's other – unfortunately compulsory – shopping trips.


	9. Chapter 10

**A/N – **I know, I thought this story was complete too... but apparently not.

* * *

**Chapter 10 – goodbye **

It had been just under a week since we returned to Denali. We would probably have to move on again soon, we were thirteen vampires under one roof; far too noticeable for us to stay for an extended period of time. I overheard some of them arguing over where to go next, obviously Forks was out, as was anywhere too far south, or too sunny. I heard Carlisle talk about returning to England, it would be interesting to see where Carlisle came from, even if it would be barely recognisable as his home country.

I had spent some time getting to know Tanya, Kate, Irana, Carmen and Eleazar. I found out that Kate could produce an electric shock that zapped even a vampire when she touched you – I obviously didn't feel it, and neither would I let Edward – and that Eleazar could sense other people's powers.

I was very happy with vampire life, well ecstatic really and even that was an enormous understatement.

Secretly I was kinda glad it wasn't necessary to have private, human moments any more, and especially glad he didn't have to leave me to hunt, we could do it _together._ We could do everything together, if we really wanted. Which, as it turned out, included a revenge for the hurried shopping trip in Italy.

The tricky thing was, we couldn't exactly plan it. Fortunately Alice had no clue of our intentions and wasn't looking for anything, which gave us a little breathing room... until Alice decided we would go shopping again within the next few days to replenish my wardrobe. We couldn't really get out of it, it was true that I had a minimal amount of clothes but I would have liked a little more time to readjust, maybe after we settled in to wherever we were going next?

Alice came looking looking for us the day of the dreaded shopping trip, but Edward was a genius and suggested we hide.

"But how can we hide from Alice? She'll see wherever we plan to go."

His famous crooked smile made a grand appearance and he got a mischievous glint in his eyes, "We just close our eyes and run, make a turn every now and then and Alice wont be able to see anything, except for a few minutes ahead of us," he explained simply.

I went through his plan in my mind, there really was nothing better we could do, and Alice's frustration at being thwarted would definitely be a good revenge. Plus it had been so long since I'd felt free and relaxed, this plan was beginning to sound better and better by the minute. I felt a mischievous smile creep onto my face, I had never felt so... _young_ before, even when I _was_ young! Having to be mature and having responsibilities thrust upon you at a young age makes you grow up too fast, and now I was a teenager forever. I felt so awed by him at that moment that I simply stood and gazed adoringly at him.

Edward extended a hand in an invitation that was truly impossible to turn down, honestly, I could see only up-sides to this. So I grasped his hand in mine, feeling the excitement that went with my first rebellious act, purely for the sake of it – apart from the motorbikes, but again, I had an ulterior motive, and again, that ulterior motive involved Edward. This was just pure... fun!

We closed put eyes and ran – occasionally knocking over or ploughing through a tree or two – in a random direction of my choosing. I heard Edward's phone vibrate in his pocket and we chuckled at the thought of Alice's reaction.

It took almost a week for Alice to calm down. Well, it took her a day to talk to me and a week to forgive Edward – apparently he was a bad influence on me – but we talked to her and made her understand that shopping for me was like Alice having to wear the same cheap clothes – that didn't match – for a week. I told her that Rose and Esme were willing shopping partners for the majority of the time and demanded a limit to my shopping hours per month – with a Christmas bonus if she had been good. I also made her see how neither the shopping trip in Italy or the one she planned – or tried to plan – five days ago were inappropriate and unnecessary. We all forgave each other and moved on.

My new life was wonderful, and in the relatively deserted Alaskan wilderness made me feel wrapped up in a bubble of bliss. I was so big yet so small at the same time, but either way, I was overflowing wit happiness.

It was only a week more before my bubble of euphoria got a crack. Alice spaced out, having a vision, I didn't pay it much mind as she frequently had visions about unimportant things like whenever more vampires were entering the vicinity and the weather. And I would've ignored this too... if Alice hadn't looked especially sombre as she came back to reality and Edward had a very troubled expression as soon as he had seen what Alice had seen.

"What is it?" I asked desperately, "What did you see Alice?"

Edward gently took my hands and guided me to sit down on his lap before tenderly wrapping his arms around me. "It's the funeral... _your_ funeral."

I sat there in shock, not moving for the longest of time... or was it only a few seconds? I was dimly aware of Alice and Edward waiting anxiously for me to say something... but what could I say? I know Charlie will be devastated... and Renee and Phill! I started sobbing, I felt horrible for letting everyone believe that I was dead.

"I want to go... see Charlie one last time," my hoarse whisper sounded loud in the silence.

"Bella, he can't see you, you're a vampire and he thinks you're already dead," Alice tried to tell me gently.

"I know that. _He_ doesn't have to see _me_, I just need to see him one last time, say goodbye my own way..." my voice got steadily softer as I kept talking.

Edward and Alice looked at each other, I knew what they were thinking, what are the risks? Is it worth it? I saw Alice's eye glaze over, she was searching the future, could we turn up there and leave relatively unnoticed?

Alice nodded as she came back to the present, "But only me, Esme and Carlisle will be able to speak to Charlie, Emmett and Rose can come but it will be best if they just keep back and stay unnoticed. You two simply _have_ to stay unnoticed by Charlie! If he sees you, Edward, he will fly into a rage, he already kind of blames Bella's _death_ on you – but subconsciously. If he sees you there then... And you Bella, I don't need to tell you it would break his heart to see you as a vampire after he's just accepted that you're gone."

I nodded solemnly heeding her words, I didn't want to cause Charlie more suffering, it's best if he grieves, gets it over with, and moves on... In the long run anyway.

Unfortunately, Alice saw this as another opportunity to shop, although the occasion we were shopping for toned down her enthusiasm to a more bearable level... as well as making me feel even less up to it. But I was determined to go, it would be good for me to see Charlie one last time and say good bye in my head properly.

Four days later found me in Edwards bedroom... staring at a bed. It was an ornate, wrought-iron, four-poster bed with and an elaborate design of roses entangling around the bed frame. And it was huge. And it had gold sheets, matching the rest of the room... And it was _absolutely, frickin' huge!_

"Where the hell were you hiding this bed before? I know I've never seen it just _lying around_ anywhere, and why did you have it? Just in case you felt like lying down? When you're a vampire?"

Edward cracked up and almost collapsed onto his sofa, overcome with merriment. I stared at him incredulously for five seconds before joining him on the sofa, not able to contain my own giggles. Since becoming a vampire, I'd found my mind to me very flighty and my moods to be vary fluid. I liked it.

I didn't feel anxiety or nervousness for the funeral until merely an hour before – Edward, Emmett and Alice had done a pretty good job of distracting me. I gripped onto Edward's hand with a force that would completely crush a human's hand. Alice had been over to Charlie's and helped him get through the last few days. Rosalie had been avoiding me a little, she was no longer hostile too me, but she was a very proud woman, it would take time for her to get over her resentment towards me, especially since she was a little bitter about me becoming a vampire, she knew I had wanted to.

We got to the service after everyone else and sat down quietly at the back. My eyes quickly scanned the crowd for Charlie. Suddenly I spotted him, there he was, sitting on the front row – closest to _my_ coffin – his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Charlie was never one for emotions. It saddened me that Charlie was so grief stricken. Then I felt Edward shift a little next to me.

"He feels guilty," he murmured only low enough for me to hear.

"What does he have to feel guilty about?" I mumbled back incredulously.

"He thinks that he didn't show you enough how much he cares about you when you were with him, he regrets not _really_ saying how much you meant to him."

I closed my eyes. I couldn't let him live on like this, I knew how much he cared for me. But how do I fix this? How do I let him know that I knew I was loved? How do I communicate that to him when I was supposedly dead? And I thought that saying goodbye to him would be the hardest thing I would do here.

I started to think, how do the dead leave messages for the ones they leave behind? Suicide notes? That was the thought that immediately popped into my head, but they know I didn't commit suicide, they thought I had been attacked by a bear or another large, carnivorous animal. But a note could work... I could smuggle it into my room in the middle of the night or something. But then what would I write? I couldn't exactly put _dear Charlie, please don't feel guilty about not showing your emotions, I know you loved me really, love Bella, _could I!

Alice turned around in her seat, "No, that really wouldn't work Bella." Ugh! This was so frustrating!

I looked up and caught sight of my mum sobbing into Phill's shoulder. I sighed heavily, I wished I had kept more in-touch with her. We had been exceptionally close when I had lived in Phoenix, even though our relation ship was a little unusual, it worked for us. I hadn't even replied to her last email...

A plan came together in my head; Alice helping Charlie sort out my room, finding an unsent email on my computer... maybe I could finally give them the closure I had gained from coming back here. Edward squeezed me encouragingly as he saw my plan come into fruition in Alice's head. It would work.

We filed out the back of the church and followed the procession to the cemetery. Me, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie and Carlisle stood slightly apart from the gathering. I could see out of the corner of my eye the Quileutes gathered around Charlie offering their support as well as Esme and Alice. I could hear Alice offer to help Charlie get sorted at home and saw him nod his head. I felt incredibly guilty for his grieving but I knew it was the best way.

The wolves hung back at the end of the ceremony, Jacob, Sam, Embry, Paul and Jared. They were glaring at us, including Jacob. I knew he had left me to protect me, but could those kinds of feelings really be reversed that easily? I guess Jake's loyalties would always remain with the pack. It was... disappointing.

When everyone else was far enough away, Jake suddenly seemed to crack he marched right up to Alice and spat, "You have no right to be here, it was all your fault anyway."

"We had no idea that Victoria was after Bella, or that she was using Laurent to get to her," Alice defended.

"If you hadn't left, Bella wouldn't have been there!" Jacob's words cut like a knife, they sliced through the heated arguments leaving only silence behind...

Because his words were true.

There was nothing anyone could say to deny the fact that, had the Cullens never left Forks, Laurent wouldn't have turned me into a vampire. It was also true that, had the wolves been a second earlier, I wouldn't have been changed either – but I didn't think that would go down very well. I wanted to say something, _anything_ to absolve the Cullens from their imagined offence. As Jacob had spoken, I felt Edward's shoulders slump in defeat, then flinch. I looked at him but his eyes were fixed on Jacob, who looked like he was concentrating very hard on something.

"What's wrong?" I whispered to Edward so only he could hear.

"It's nothing, Jacob just has a good memory, that's all," Edward tried to soothe me.

What? How could memories cause such a reaction... Then it clicked. He was remembering me when I was a mess. Suddenly my blood boiled, just who the hell did he think he was? He abandoned me when I was already hurting. Sure his departure didn't would me as Edward's had done, but that didn't make it ok for him to judge other people for making the same choice he did! Jacob had given me a taste of what happiness was like after Edward, I had become dependant on him and he had allowed it, encouraged it even! But then he left me too. And I had been worried about him! At least Edward had had the decency to say goodbye.

I couldn't believe I had just heard those words come out of Jacob's mouth.

I strode forward and faced Jacob head on, with about two feet between us, "I cant believe you Jacob! You're judging them because they left, but you left me too! I cant believe I was so worried about you! You left me alone and confused when you _knew_ there were vampires out there! Did it now occur to you that had you been a second earlier I would still be human? You're nothing but a coward and a hypocrite!"

Extremely thankful that I didn't have tears streaming down my cheeks, I turned on my heel and stormed off with all the grace of a vampire, past the shocked faces of both the Cullens and the wolf pack. _There goes my best friend._ After the loss and anger wore off, I found myself smug. I had always been shy, but I guess being a vampire had boosted my confidence, and I was secure in the knowledge that Edward loved me; and would always love me; forever. It also helped that I was so murderously angry that all my rational thought had gone out the window, but still...

I heard Edward come after me, I didn't try and out-run him. I didn't need time alone with my thoughts, I just needed to process what had happened... and having a loving, comforting presence that wouldn't interfere, was exactly what I needed. Was exactly what Edward was. He took my hand as I slowed and we dawdled along at a slow human pace. Today was a day for goodbyes, fortunately, the goodbyes that would hurt the most, the ones I couldn't live through again, weren't happening... not now or ever again.

Eventually, Edward's patience ran out, "What are you thinking?"

I sighed, "I'm trying to figure out what to put in the fake email to Renee."

After a pause, Edward spoke again. His tone wasn't accusing, just curious, "Why did you say those things to Jacob?"

"Because they were true," I stopped and turned to face him, "You left because you thought you were protecting me, Edward. Jake might not know that, but I do. He did the same thing, but he's just not taking responsibility for his actions. And he wont admit to the fact that you are good people."

"Bella, we're vampires."

"Yes, I'm aware of that," I smirked at him, then my smile softened, "Haven't you heard that it's our choices that define us? I know _you_ think you don't have a soul, but where else could your love come from? You're kind, thoughtful, compassionate, loyal... maybe a _little_ bit overprotective and pessimistic. But, you're _good _Edward, you're constantly making the choice to be good. The wolves hate _bloodsuckers_, as in, vampires who suck _human blood_. They just cant differentiate. I bet, if they ever eat in their wolf form, they eat raw animals as well."

Edward stood there looking at me as if in shock. His hands were unmoving in mine, his eyebrows were raised and it didn't look like he was going to move again any time soon. I couldn't judge what he thought about my rant – other than that he wasn't expecting it. It _really_ didn't look like Edward was ever going to move again, so I decided he needed some help.

"Edward?" I asked placing one hand on his cheek, "are you still there?"

He blinked and I saw the light turning back on in his eyes. "Wow," he breathed, "I guess... I guess I never thought about it like that before."

"Edward, you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, sometimes it's hard watching you struggle. Not everything is your fault," I paused thoughtfully, "Although, you have been a little less pessimistic and guilt-ridden recently."

Edward chuckled taking my face in his hands, "The power of love, you make me happy, Bella. Now that I finally accepted that you are a vampire, I can truly relax around you. I don't have to constantly fight back the burn of the thirst, I don't have to monitor my every action around you so I don't accidentally crush you, I don't have to worry about things that would harm a human such as car accidents and diseases... but most importantly, I don't have to worry about condemning you to a life of eternal misery. I realise now that it was my preconceptions and my loneliness that made me miserable, not my new life. And now love has made me happy, and has kept you happy."

I grinned at him, secretly overjoyed that Edward was letting go of his angst. "Now, do you have any ideas of what to write in my goodbye note?"

**Charlie's pov**

Bella's room was a mess. The bed was unmade and there were a few clothes scattered about the place. It was like she had just left and was planning on coming back again... but she wasn't. Her room was lying. I didn't want her room to look like she could walk through the door at any moment, but I didn't want her room to be generic, like no-one had ever lived there. Thank god Alice was helping me.

I sighed and reluctantly put the teaspoon down. I tried not to spill any drops on the stairs as I made my way back to Bella's room, but my hands were shaking. Had she know I loved her more than anything? Had I shown her what she meant to me? Was there any doubt in her mind that I cared for her so much? Why couldn't I be more open with my love for her?

Of course Alice brushed off all my fears, saying Bella knew she was loved and loved me too. Why had she not listened to me? I told her to be careful! And then she goes into the woods when there have been lots of bear sightings...

"Charlie!" Alice called, "I think you better come look at this."

I ran up the rest of the stairs to Bella's room, no longer caring about the carpet or the tea. I walked through the door to see Alice hovering over Bella's computer

_Dear mum_

_I'm still in love with Edward. And I think he still loves me. _

_I know that sounds crazy but... Edward has an unfortunate habit of blaming himself for everything. He left me to protect me from himself... another unfortunate habit Edward has – overreaction. _

_I remember when we were running from that psycho James – at least that's what I think he was called. When I went to play baseball with Edward's family, that's when James and Victoria came along, they pretended to want to play with us... but James kept looking at me weirdly. He was dangerous, he started a fight and it was clear he would go to any lengths to get to me... including hurting dad. That's why I left, I pretended to leave so James wouldn't find me, I couldn't let dad get hurt. Edward wasn't too enthusiastic about my plan but he eventually conceded. And then James found me, Edward barely made it in time. Edward blamed that on himself – of course Charlie didn't help, he blamed it on Edward too. But I just couldn't bring myself to explain... he would just be more worried. I know he loves me so much, I love him too. But I don't need him hovering like he would – even if it was an act of love. It's surprising how similar Edward and Charlie are when it comes to my safety. _

_Then on the night of my birthday... it was Edward who pushed me into the glass table. Every little accident he blamed on himself. That's why he left. _

_Is it better to be hurt physically or emotionally? I think it depends on the wound. _

_Jake was finally making me feel normal again, less like a zombie... and then he left too. I don't know why he left, he said he was ill and then he started avoiding me, like he couldn't stand the sight of me any more. He even got Billy to lie to me on the phone about him. Was it because I was with Edward? I know the tribe has a grudge against them, but I don't see why they cant let it go. _

_It's a beautiful day today, I might go out and try to find the meadow that Jake told me about, I need a distraction... I'll come back later and finish this email off with how that went. See you later!_

…

"Is it true?" I whispered.

Alice nodded sadly. I let my grief overcome me then, I sat and cried into Alice's shoulder, feeling to upset to be embarrassed. But I was relieved as well. She knew I loved her and she loved me. I still couldn't stand Edward, but maybe he wasn't as bad as I thought.

* * *

**A/N – **ok, its really over now. Seriously. Sadly. *sigh * but you can still review. (I prefer this ending to my previous one, it ties everything together nicely) =]


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